This morning I wake up and realize the laundry list of things to do is rather large. I roll over check the time on my phone and its a brisk 12:37 in the afternoon. I roll over toss some comfy shorts on and head out of the bedroom. Running the sleep out of my eyes, I trip over my open suitcase that has been sitting there with clothes still in it from almost two full weeks ago. Now that I’m laying in the doorway of my bedroom, I realize is time for some caffeine. I start to put water in my French press but realize I’m just not in the mood for coffee. It’s just to warm out. I ponder the thought of making iced coffee but realize I’m too fucking lazy to put that much effort into my morning ritual. Under normal circumstances, I would just head to the local Starbucks and just pay somebody to do this but once again, I’m just too lazy. I decide to go down to the store my my apartment. I look into my wallet and find zero American form of currency. I should have a lot of this living in America, right? Nope. Now that I’m tossing shit around my apartment to find two dollars in change so I can buy a fucking Rockstar I’m just irritated. It doesn’t take me long to realize that my dryer is the home to plenty of quarters, so I go grab a handful and head out my front door. I walk to my car, open the drivers side door and this wave of heat hits me like a fucking porn star getting slapped in the face with a cock. “Fuck that” I say out loud and begin the short walk to the store that is literally 6 blocks away. (Ya, I was really going to drive out of laziness) I get within two blocks of the store and the streets are now littered with people waiting for the buses, loitering, people being very shady and others that look like they’re digging a hole in the sidewalk for no reason. I look at my watch and its 12:55 which in the Rocks is what we like to call pedestrian rush hour. Well that’s what I call it anyway. Only because most of the housing in my area is half-way houses, section 8 housing, crack houses and up at my end, real houses. I scurry by a few men talking and nearly trip over a child the size of a small dog, who apparently, was with one of the men. Who clearly thought a stroller was an inconvenience at the time he left his house, or maybe baby momma had to run off for a few hours and left him with a terrific father figure to be watched by. Who knows. I didn’t bother to ask for details. I just kinda hopped over the child that was crawling about the sidewalk. I get my beverage and head back out into the streets. As I crack open the blue, 16oz can. Everybody standing on the sidewalk stopped what they were doing to look to see what I had in my hand. I smiled, tipped the can towards them and took a drink. When neared the second intersection heading back to my house, I noticed a lady dressed in a baggy pair of jeans and t-shirt that was big enough to fit a medium sized elephant. Just standing at the stop sign. It seemed like she was waiting for something but she wasn’t at the bus stop. I crossed the street opposite of her and caught her in the corner of my left eye heading towards me. I didn’t think anything of it until I heard her say “honey… honey, wait”! I didn’t stop but I turned toward her and said “no, I don’t have any spare change” (as my pocket full of quarters jingles loud enough to wake the dead) she then says “no, do you have a girl, cause I’m working” I responded “not interested”… HOLY SHIT! I thought to myself. Did I just get propositioned by a hooker, in broad daylight, just a few blocks from my house? I kept walking, at a little bit of a faster rate than usual but I had this awkward feeling someone was following me. I turned around and there she was, trying to keep up. Wasn’t going to happen. I started a full on sprint, right past my apartment and dashed down the alley. I didn’t want that bitch to know where I lived. Hung out for a bit, then retreated back to my air conditioning.
I swear on my life that everything in this story is 100% true and I’m not the last bit exaggerating. Fucking shit. What an eventful trip to the store I had.
Today was a rather peculiar day for me. I started putting things together and organizing things for my big move. I had a lot of shit go through my head as I was doing this. Was moving to further educate myself the best possible decision I can make? Was I doing everything accurately to enhance myself to the job market? Then it hit me. We all live on an edge between existence and nothing. That’s it. None of us actually know what is going to happen tomorrow. We’re here one day, gone the next. Nobody actually knows when our time will come. That’s pretty fucking scary to think about. Obviously none of us want to go tomorrow but realistically, some of us will. This saddens family and friends but is real. Maybe I’m thinking too much or maybe it’s just a harsh reality. I don’t have much, nor do I have a lot of close friends. I literally can count them on one hand and three of them are family members. So now, I get to move to an entire new city full of people I don’t know. Which won’t be that difficult of a transition for me. Anyway, the point of this is really that I have nothing that I really want to take from my shitty life in Pittsburgh and move it to my shitty life in Orlando. Maybe some clothes but really I just want a fresh start for my life. It just really bothers me that I don’t have a single thought or rational as to why I still exist. Ya I’m sure whoever reads this will probably just interpret it as depressing and sad. It kinda is. Especially when none of us know when our last day will be on this earth. If you knew when your last day was going to be, what would you do before that day came?
I have recently been “let go” from my job. Basically the reason behind that was a supervisor got all power hungry, stated that I threatened to “kill him” and went crying like a little girl. So ne it. Here’s what was really going on. A few months ago, I decided that I didn’t want to be a bartender anymore. The hours suck, the patrons at the casino are even worse. (It’s your fault that they’re there losing money by the way) You never hear the end of it and the only people that tip are the ones who actually appreciate what you do for them. Anyway, I decided to research some schools. Film schools to be exact. I googled and googled until I found one that offered everything I was looking for, not just a broad digital media program like most. This school offers a 360 degree ratio of everything from preproduction to postproduction and literally everything in between. The problem is its in Orlando. I call my mother, talk everything over with her and make my decision to apply. I get in. It’s like a dream come true, I’m super excited so I put some money down on my seat in the film program. I go to work and tell people that I got accepted into film school and everybody seems to be happy for me. I guess I just stopped caring because I was leaving. It’s whatever, so I have a bit of a tiff with a power hungry egotistical pick of a supervisor that literally has zero reason being any type of management material. He gets a boner every time he gets the least bit of pull. It annoys the fucking fuck fluid out of me. There’s nothing I would rather do than go in there and cause such a scene that he loses his job. The problem is that I’m a better person than that. The way I look at things is that this firing happened for a reason, a small sign that I need to get the fuck out of the Burgh. Helping me initialize my film school and get my shit together for a lifetime of successfulness. The only problem that comes to mind now is how am I going to fund such ambitions? Where there’s a will there’s a way. (good thing my middle name is William) I’m not gonna let such a small bump in the road stop me from following my dreams. Hell, I’ve been fired from a lot more important people. The only issue I have with being “released from payroll” is that they put me on a type of tribal counsel straight off of survivor. It bothered me that these people that were supposed to be in control of my job were people I’ve never me, let alone have ever seen. I found that ironic but went with it. I stated my case, twice and waited. As I waited, these 3 people voted on my initial termination or to overturn it. When they invited me back into the room, there was a large square box with a hole in the top. (a bit overkill if you ask me, especially for only 3 ballots) He tells us that the decisions on these ballots will reflect my job. The first said that I needed to remain terminated and so did the second. He said “well Joe, I guess we don’t need to read the third”. Me being the asshole that I am, I said “so is this where we put out my torch”? I looked around the room, I could see it in everybodys that they were doing everything they could not to laugh. I stood up, shook everybody’s hand, thanked them for the opportunity and walked out with my head up high. Now this is where I think its happened for a reason, maybe this is just a sign from the good old Lord giving me a chance to get out and put myself into a situation that I would rather be in. All signs point to yes and with the proper support from my friends and family. I’m gonna be a lot better off without the casino in my life. Yes, I’m gonna miss all the people that made an impact on me but hey, if they want me in their life, they’ll put me there.
First off, you should probably enjoy your life for what it is. Not a fictional life your friends have created for you. Regardless of your situation and what you’ve done for others. You literally have to do things for yourself. You may be in a relationship your friends think highly of or you may be in a relationship that you’re constantly questioning. Either way, it has to be something that you want. I want to be über famous and want the pussy to just flock to me like seagulls fighting over a piece of fresh bread but in reality, that’s never going to happen to me. I’ve done everything in my power to get accepted into film school for these exact reasons. Not so much the pussy but the fame. I want to be famous. If you ask anybody under the age of 10 what they want to be when they grow up, in some way, shape or form, it has to do with fame. We’ve all been like this since the time we’ve been able to deductive reason day to day relics. It has always been a dream of mine to call my single mother who raised three boys alone, working numerous jobs to support a healthy diet and relationship with her loved ones. This is the reason that I hold women so high in my book. This woman (my mother) took the divorce she was dealt, moved on and did what she needed to do to maintain a lifestyle that very few had. Ya, we didn’t have a lot, ya, we shared frozen burgers on the grill and ya, we didn’t have a lot of adult supervision but these are the main reasons I am who I am today. If it wasn’t for me teaching myself how to grow the fuck up and provide for myself, I’d probably be in a gutter somewhere. Somehow my family managed to push through the bullshit and push out the nonsense we didn’t need. Growing up in a broken home isn’t something you read about daily, nor is it something that people like to talk about. Hell, I hate talking about it. Shit wasn’t easy for me. Still isn’t. You don’t know where you should be during holidays, you don’t know what friends you can invite without a long questioning after. It fucking blows. Sadly, the parent I look up to the most is my mother. Because she’s the one who took care of me, she’s the one that took me to the hospital when my eyelid was cut in half, she was the one that took me to the dentist that put a fake tooth in. Hockey injuries will only be a small part of my time but there were others that made me who I am. Yet she was the person to be there for me every time I needed something. I’ll never forget that. You can call me a mammas boy all you want but until you endure the lobve and devotion this woman has provided me, then you’ll never understand. Anyway, growing up as a middle child didn’t come so easy for me. It was always the oldest and the youngest getting the majority of the attention. So I decided at an early age to become narcissistic I.e. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
It was because of this and the fight that I had to go through being the quiet, soft spoken middle child everybody was so used to, I realized I needed to spread out. Making my own interfamily fame. It worked out for the most part but people started catching on. So I found myself as a class clown, getting into more trouble than I shoud. This brought many weekly visits to to principles office due my strict insubordination about what attention needs to be where…. I fucked up doing this and probably shouldve learned the role elsewhere, yet, I didn’t miss on the extracurriculars. I dove right in. Being turned down by almost everybody. But that still didn’t drop my head. I only know how to hold my head high and prosper. Because that’s the way my mom showed me. In her own words “Joe, if they’re gonn be for you know, how long will it take for them to forget about you…. She has a valid point. It’s obviously been something ive been thinking about for a long time. In elders decisions, they’re amost 100% right so I can’t argue. Life happens for a reason. Weather you want what you’ve been looking for or because you’re looking for all the wrong reason. If you’re reading this and it hasn’t touched you in the smallest way. Please just stop reading.
I was just venting.
There it is. Me being me. In someone else’s words.
Within this post, you’re about to find me, being part of the most awkward situations I’ve ever found myself in. Not to mention, that more than half of you will never find yourself put into this type of situation.
Back in 07-08 (roughly) I found out that Linkin Park was going to be headlining a summerfest in Pittsburgh. I’m late on trying to find tickets because I’m basically too cheap to pay full price for anything and I pretty much want somebody else to pay for me. So the day of the concert, I exhaust all my options and text everybody in my phonebook as well as post a status on Facebook about my undire need for a ticket to this show. Both my brothers are going to be at this show tailgating and are trying to find a ticket for me. Neither are successful. I start my travels to the venue just to participate in some binge drinking and family time with my brothers. On my way to the beer distributor, I receive a text message from a friend stating that her guy friend “Brank” has a ticket and I wouldn’t have to pay for it as long as I provided a ride to and from the concert. JACKPOT! I arrange for him to walk to the beer distributor and meet me because there was no fucking way in hell that I was going to go out of my way to get him. I don’t give 2 shits if he has to walk a marathon to meet me. I need beer and a ticket, he needs a ride. Who’s going to win? Me of course. Anyway, I eventually get to the beer distributor, purchase my high end “keystone light” (because a 30 pack is like 8 bucks and I’m just trying to get fucked up) get back to my car and wait. After about what seemed to be an hour, I look over to the left and see my ex-girlfriends ex-boyfriend. It’s at this point in time that I realize that the person who was giving me the ticket in exchange of a ride was the same person, Brank. Fuck, what am I supposed to do now? He knows that the person he’s supposed to meet is Joe. Maybe he’s put all this shit together and realized what a fucking terrible idea it was. Regardless, I wanted to see this fucking show. I take a few breaths, look in his direction and yell “Brank… Brank… BRANK!!! YOU FUCKING COMING OR WHAT? (i have no shame, nor do I care. He had something I needed and I had something he needed… Plus beer). As he walked to the car, finally piecing together who I was, he had a look of complete disgust on his face. He is now getting into the same vehicle, with the same guy, that his girlfriend left him for. To make things worse, I had just ended all contact with her and had absolutely no reason to talk about it. The fucked up part… He asked me how she was doing. Clearly, I couldn’t sit there and act like I didn’t speak with her any more. So I lied. “Oh man! She’s doing great! She couldn’t be better” (I had no fucking clue what she was doing but I didn’t want to make it look like I fucked it up with her too) “cool” he responded. Now, in retrospect, back in the day, this guy would follow my older brother and I around and throw bottles at us as we walked down the street. So to get him in a large group of my friends would be sweet bliss. This happened. We made fun of him, picked on him in relentless ways and pretty much put him down in every possible way. We’re drunk, I try to get him equally as drunk and hopefully just leave him at the venue with no way back. I eventually get sloppy drunk, explain to my brothers my intentions and wander off leaving my cell phone with my brothers, just to male it seem like I was legitimately drunk and irresponsible. That way, when he is stranded, he can’t hold a personal grudge and it all looks like an accident. (im a fucking genius right?) I meet back up with my brothers in the concert, have a blast the rest of the night and head back to my car. My brothers returned my cell phone when we met back up. So know I have to ignore calls and texts. I do. What I wasn’t anticipating was that he was going to be standing at the exit waiting for me to roll through so he didn’t miss his ride home. So there I was, ignoring a phone call, when low and behold, there he is… I probably looked like a fucking asshole staring at my phone as he had his to his ear calling me but whatever. He got in my car and I drove him to where we initially met. I wasn’t going further. I often wonder where I would be if I weren’t put in these kind of situations. Character building 101 I guess. Am I the only person something like this has happened to?
So apparently my first night back in California, I obviously wanted to go out and hook up with some of my old friends. Little did I know that I was going to be drinking glasses upon glasses of vodka and red bull. Not to mention the large quantities of jägermeister my liver was about to process. From what I remember, I had a great time. What I didn’t know is the impression I had made on other people. I had a great time and here’s a picture to prove it.
Needless to say, my friend here decided to share a small interaction I had with some lovely lady in good ol Southern California. I guess I’ll never change.